Notificación a mis compañeros de piso – deberes de inglés
por Alicia Pérez Gil
No hay mejor manera de aprender phrasal verbs que emplearlos. He aquí una carta en la que me quejo a mis compañeros de piso de su empeño en aparecerse, agitar sus cadenas y robarme la ropa. ¡Señores monstruos, comportense!
Dear Mr. Flurry Monster:
Please find below the list of what I consider minimum standards that make coexistence possible. If we are to be flatmates, please note that:
- Coming forth is not an option. I do sleep in my bed and, even though I acknowledge that you live under it, and that you have to leave your house some times, just as I do, I would prefer you to roll over a bit and then stand up. It is somehow disturbing to feel your body passing through mine after you come out in the middle of the night. I know tradition commands that vampires just rise from their coffins, but I haven´t heard of such a thing when it comes to under the bed monsters.
- I don´t need you to fill me in with any news at all. I am not interested in your private life and therefore do not need any screaming, yelling or any other communicating noise that might interrupt my sleep. This is not the first time I complain about how loud you can be. I would also appreciate that you don´t pretend that it is your duty to scare me. This letter proves I am not scared at all. So you are either lying about your job or far too inefficient at carrying it out.
- Please let the guy in the wardrobe know that I will not accept your habit of borrowing my clothes. We all enjoy a good party but if you need to dress up, just go out and do some shopping. I am fed up with finding my best garments missing buttons. In the meanwhile, I do demand that you do the laundry after you use any of my clothing. This is not only an issue regarding good manners but also hygiene.
- The mirror faces that tend to show up when I am doing my hair seem to think that I am the violator of their space when we have already set out the terms of our renting contract and it happens to be the opposite. They are more than welcome to use all reflecting surfaces during the night, but the mornings are mine. Actually, as I have a job that keeps me away from home most of the day, I find those faces are really cheeky and should be warned about the consequences of their acts.
- Please ask the lady under the stairs that walking in my slippers can hardly be considered as noisy or loud or mean. Her eternal headache might come from the fact that she was decapitated and that has nothing to do with me.
In Madrid at November 14, 2016